\space cadet
sitting in someone elses bathroom. yr/in the basement,with a bath,sink,mirror( ),small window over the bath. ceiling slopes a little, down, threatening to cut off your head. smoke in here. you could’ve outside, any other room, but it’s too cold, and smells like a gas leak/threatens (yrimmolate). someone else is wanting to smoke. they’ll be in. turning a bathroom into a lobby, turning everything else into a airport. no remembering which of her friends smoke anymore/no remembering who can do what, who can stomach what. list-personalized identification with negati(ng_ve attributes.
-hey
-hey
boy moves next to her and smiles.cigarette for both of you. a single lighter. someone’s painted, cartoon dogs on it. everyone has/covered objects with img. s.
‘we met once. friend of the host’
-yeah, I remember. we were talking about you before you got here. smth, funny.
story about you.
‘m sure it was embarrassing’
never, not at all.’
honestly couldn't remember if you asked me one way or the other, but pretty (if i have to guess) sure we’re telling the truth.looked at her hand, we’re always shaking im frantic as an affect
boy sitting coolly on the edge of the bathtub, sure of themself, sure of their sex
‘you think it'd be ok to light these candles? you think its just a smell, or something possible’ (is it a sense or something real?are you just /talking about ghosts or are they dead)
-I think it'd be pretty cool. if we’re, being careful."
boy takes his lighter (something he delights in use), 1 lit each, tilting them on their sides, wax drip . . as they alternatewick. she squinted to see the object. it having, small- font ghosts and cats on the alternate side,
-i like the lighter.
‘it's pretty special to me.’
looking back at a burning cigarette. inhaled but it doesn't feel hot.smoke feeling cool, like it was passing through ice piled in her throat,and tasting, only ever the chemical part of the blend.
a girl is sitting in the bathtub.maybe-a girl. most people are past really, considering it (born too late). water soaks through her clothes, but without ever seeing underneath.
a sex just blurry and sex just obscured.
-do you remember, ever having swam. did we miss something?
i remember something similar. i remember something like it. submerged, sexless, sure.
we’d have to try it again. we have to do everything again.
-is the water cold?"
-a little. but it's nice. im sure you understand me.
-i do. and yeah, i could see myself- happy.
barely-there ghost closes her eyes and hums. she hums, and yr. made a stranger just by watching. meaning, you’re embarrassed, like a kid standing next to someone cool, you need her to know you’re just as vaporous, you deserve to be looking. move back down.
-i missed you lots.
"I missed you too."
someone’s taking a picture. [ ] no flash, but a feeling of urgency, you need ! to look perfect/static natural quick. make sure they (how would everyone know) know (etc. etc.) move back up. this is a closed cycle, one which passes over the line in one direction, reflectively, post-reflectively.
-you look good
photo-taking standin/
over me. she/smiling
"look at me."
she does. recognizes this face. most of all the smile. like an older sister',a [closed] close
and only friend.
girl taking another photo. camera making/ no sound, she’s turning\ it to face you.yr face looking like it does in a mirror. mirror in the photo being too white to make out a face.
looking at your real reflection. seeing your/her face, like it’s supposed to look.
| [ 'an ideal face'
sees the bathtub next to her. sees her\blown smoke lazily floating and kissing bath-steam. everyone i’ve seen tonight is a friend. and when they leave, they won't be gone. i'll see them tomorrow morning, and, they'll say goodbye before they go. so, i-i don’t have to worry at all; brea |th. nobody has any names but we all have identifiers. (practicing my dreamy sigh). i think it's more intimate that way. everyone's so nice to me, she thinks. everyone's so kind, and i’m so love|ng.
you’re good?
yeah, of course.
you’re sure?
yeah, I'm good.
want anything? - refrain
no, it's ok.um.yeah, i'm ok.
the voice coming from the steam, accumulated mirror, or through the window. someone peeking in, from outside, or hiding behind something.saying hello friendly ghost
i wish we had talked more, just once
me too. 'm really really really glad (i could) see you again
me too.
everyone's here. (everyone you’ve ever known\waiting to hear those words)
yeah, just about.
not everyone's the way I remembered.
-that's ok. ‘s still your friends.
A boy sitting on the edge of the tub is reading villons grand testament. or the cantos.
or something similarly/indecipherable/ to those who don’t speak a language. he's pretty.
what's it about?
it's a mystery play
what's that like?
Chernyshevsky.
someone's back. someone from earlier. repeating smth, as a tape would, but something you always miss, never growing any older
‘faint with me’
-ok!
wear the same clothes as me!’
i'm glad we're all, f-f-f ( ) here
lighter boy\and\speaking now
if you could choose a name, what would it be?’
-something naive.something from a novel.
that's a good answer.
you?
johnny guitar.
-that's a bad answer.
leaning against the mirror. fire burning in a mirror. burning a little longer, always/ just a l ittle longer. always-almost done.running the sink, and holding the burning cigarette you assumed was being, blurringly reflected- ,under cold water, and drops theashesand filter in the sink. exiting, rejoining the main body in the basement.
1
ch’i’ mi son Lia, e vo movendo intorno/le belle mani a farmi una ghirlanda.
Cover Photo by Helen Keegan. Edited by Katrina Kwok.