ix.

not wishing for the act itself,

but for the emotions that come along with it.

a silly thought - a naive mind that knows it’s incorrect.

there is such bliss in the unknown;

still, there is an untapped sorrow.

this fantasy creates false comfort

in the arms of a man who will soon be gone.

holding onto this idea of love, you put forth expectations.

yet in the back of that beating heart, behind a fragile wall crafted by Aphrodite,

true logic starts to chisel its way and cracks open her handiwork;

creating a flood of misplaced tears.

all emotions (but the good) come forth.

anger at yourself - at the way the world is.

rage at the way we were all meant to be made.

caught between the probable reality

and the romantic figments of the mind,

you struggle to look into the telling eyes of reality.

i think i avoided acknowledging my feelings for so many years that once i finally accepted that i didn’t have to feel “okay” all of the time, i overdid it.

---

Cover Photo by Илья Пахомов.