Offering a Moment in My Life
I ate Thai food with my partner the other day.
We went to a wonderful new restaurant that we’ve been meaning to try and it was a lovely evening spent with the best company. The space was open with dim lighting, and warm airs that traveled from the kitchen. Layered volumes of snippets from conversations flew around me, constantly bumping into my personal space. I didn’t mind too much, being a pair of stranger ears can be an honour. You never know what conversation has traveled its way to you. I realized, my conversations also travel to land upon stranger ears. There is fear in those moments.
Oops! Something intimate fell from my lips.
Oops! I just said something vulnerable.
Oops! My soft ‘I love you’ wasn’t as soft as I thought it was.
Perhaps more passion than I thought slipped through.
My words kept crawling to a new set of ears that night, a set I’ve never whispered to before. Or maybe I have, and just don’t know. Maybe you were the one who heard my not-so-quiet statements of love. Those ears heard my vulnerability, grace and appreciation I have for another human. Love that we’ve been building together day after day. They heard a relationship that has gone through ups and downs, but can also hear the two people who care and tend for one another, so they can grow. Two people who wake up everyday and choose to be together. When people hear your words, they also hear your histories. Maybe, when they heard my words, tied to them were past tears that have been shed, breakdowns and fears, but nonetheless, laughs, breakthroughs and affirmations.
Someone hears us. Someone hears you. Someone hears me.
Instead, I gave a soft bat of my eyes. My partner knew exactly what I was feeling. There were no stranger ears to intercept the moment. That one was for us. There was no fear of being vulnerable, there was fear of a complete stranger seeing my capability of loving someone. For a stranger to see me in a light that most people don’t. One of my most loving states, my most intimate station of life.
It’s almost as if I had been too scared to show love from fear of being judged on how I show my love. I never noticed that before, perhaps because I’ve never loved this deeply. I think that’s a very beautiful thing. The fun part of being in new situations is learning new things about yourself. Sitting next to a couple and feeling like I’m on a new first date, put my love in the spotlight. Although you can love someone loudly, quiet love is also a nice change of pace. There are plenty of moments that exist around us where whispered instances and actions are happening that you’ll never know about. The excitement that lies within the mystery.
Thai food taught me a lot.
Cover Photo by Inga Seliverstova.